Steve Martin

Dear Mr. Martin,

Calling you Mr. Martin seems weird and then if I call you Steve that's just even weirder. I know a Steve, in fact I know a couple of Steve's: one was my brother's friend, he was nice, he was our neighbour; the other Steve spells his name Stephen. Stephen, how do you even spell that in short, Steph? That's a girl's name, I don't think you can just add a "v" to someone's name, can you? If you're going to call a guy Steven I think you should just spell it with a "v" to make it easier for short form, like Steve. I'm glad your Steve, well actually, maybe you are a Stephen and you just used Steve for short, that's cool then because I like you as Steve, don't get me wrong if you were Steven or Stephen I would still like you, I just think I like Steve better. I wonder if that's because I'm used to calling you Steve.

Speaking of first names it feels weird to call someone - especially a celebrity by their first name. Generally, when you call somenoe by their first name it implies that you know them, but I don't know you at all. Perhaps I should just call you Mr. Martin, but see, if I call you that I feel like you're a teacher or an adult that I'm supposed to be polite to, not that I don't want to be polite to you, because I do, it just seems weird to me to call you Mr. Martin. Also, our prime minister is Paul Martin so he's Mr. Martin, not that I can't see you as being Prime Minister fo Canada, which would be really great because Stephen Harper (who will probably win ths election) is crazy looking and I'm pretty sure he's going to run the country down. I suppose calling you Mr.Martin wouldn't be that bad at all, but I think that title is better left to the diminishing Prime Minister Paul Martin.

If I call you Steve Martin that seems normal but only on a general celebrity calling level (that doesn't even make sense!) That means people normally refer to celebrities by calling them by their first and last names. I mean you would never call Glenn Close just Glenn, well I mean you might if you new her, but I won't because I don't know her, again that's really just personal preference. That's kind of a bad example so calling her Glenn or Glenn Close regardless of her gender is just weird in general for me.




I guess I'll call you Steve Martin, that seems to be the most normal for me. However, if I met you I wouldn't say "Hi, Steve Martin, how are you?" Or would I, I'm not really sure how I would react, in fact I doubt I will ever have the chance, but if I did I have no idea what I would call you. I could say "Hey you", or "What's going on" and just not mention your name at all, that's what I say to everyone I meet or know. It would be normal for me and hopefully it would be normal for you, but what's normal really? I mean your Steve and I'm Caryl, potato potato. That doesn't look right in writing, it really does sound better. that's weird, I wonder if anyone has ever really written that down and understood it in that comparitive way. Huh, that's something to think about.

Anyways, I hope that something can be understood about names after reading this, I actually think that nothing will be understood and that this is just "pure drivel."

Man, I'm awesome, I just thought of that just right then.


Lates,

Caryl J Davies